res⋅o⋅lute /ˈrɛzəˌlut/ [rez-uh-loot]
–adjective
1.firmly resolved or determined; set in purpose or opinion.
2.characterized by firmness and determination, as the temper, spirit, actions, etc.
This year that is how I feel, resolute. I am not making resolutions just to have them be broken. I am not just flippantly looking at the year and trying to figure out what I could "stick with". I am being resolute in my commitments, I am being determined in all that I do. I am resolute.
What is spurring this you ask? Settle in, grab a drink and let me tell you. I am out of control. Completely and utterly out of control. Anyone who knows me can imagine how this is settling in my bones. Not well. I have a job that I love, but it takes a lot of effort and a lot of time, which means by the time I do make it home I am undone. I have barely anything left to give and feel like I am expected to give until I bleed. Whatever I do have to give goes to the girls first, school second, the house third, and sadly my husband last. I am resolute.
I am attempting to create a better life for my family, which means that I have gone back to school for my Masters degree. Is this crazy? Probably. Should it have been my husbands turn to go to school or do something else instead. Definitely. So, was this me being selfish or me seeking a better way? I don't know. It is what it is. I am resolute.
I am resolute that somehow this will all work. I am resolute that I will be a better mom. I am resolute that I will be a better friend. I am resolute that there will be more romance and renewed commitment in my marriage. I am resolute that I will just say no to others more and yes to my kids, my husband, my family more. I am resolute that I will become healthier for my girls - to be an example and to show them the right path. I am resolute. I am resolute. I. Am. Resolute.
