The World Stopped

For just a moment on Friday 9/5/08 the world stopped. I had to take our baby to the Dr. for her normal check up and shots, thinking that it was no big deal. Except, of course, after having gone through what we experienced with our son, every visit to my children's doctor is a big deal.

So I take the baby in, she does all her weighing and measuring and is looking great. The Dr. comes in while I am feeding her and listens to her heart, checks eyes, etc. Then on to the legs and hips. As she is moving them around she tells me that she is worried a little about the femur not being lined up properly in the hip socket so wants to send her for an X-Ray as before 6 months it is a splint to fix, after 6 months it is surgery. So I don't panic, I just gather up her things and tell myself "no biggie, this is not life threatening". Then I sit and wait for the X-ray holding the baby, watching her sleep, still telling myself that it is fine. It could be worse, it could be a lot worse. Than I get called into the room.

Once I walk through that door and see all that massive equipment, it was like going back in time to almost 2 years ago, with my son. It was like experiencing the CAT scan, the MRI, the swallow test, and all that bullshit all over again. And then, seeing her on the table as they take the X-Rays and holding her as she screams. I do not know how I made it through without falling apart. By the time I left the hospital and was carrying her to the car I had tears running down my face.

Not for her, I knew she would be OK. But for Dylan, and all those damn memories that I tried to forget. I was in so much pain and I could do nothing about it. I hate that feeling, that helpless, drowning feeling. At the end of the day we got the call and everything was fine, so that was a blessing and I am so thankful.