Rock You Like A Hurricane

Tonight I caught about 15 minutes of the Depeche Mode 101 tour airing on some satellite station called Fuse. I immediately felt transported back to their concert at the Salt Palace, when General Admission was still in effect, 21 years ago. It was one of the best concerts - my ass was grabbed, I bought a poster that pretty much covered half of a wall, and I totally lost my voice. Not to mention the incredible eye candy that is David Gahan! (I am sure there are those of you thinking "blech, pasty white englishman with a skinny body and not a lot of muscles". Let me just say, that man can dance. Being able to dance does a lot for me. Well, that and his nose. )

This blast from the past got me thinking about previous concerts and my favorite events. I am therefore making this a project say something and listing my top ten favorite concerts.

1. Neil Diamond (all of them) - I have seen him in concert at least 3 times, maybe more. I never get tired of it, even if in some ways it is the same show. I addressed my Neil Diamond obsession once before, so I won't go into it again. Suffice it to say, he makes me happy, he makes me love my parents, my childhood, and life in general.

2. Erasure the Wild Tour - If you have never seen Erasure, you cannot understand why they are the most fun and energetic concert. Andy Bell is a riot, the crowd is into it, the music rocks, there are multiple costume changes, and it is just fun. Memorable moment, the stupid girl from High School that my friends brought along who said after the third song "I didn't know he was gay! I want to go home, this has ruined their music for me!" Uh, hello stupid twit. (I bought a bad ass poster from this concert too)

3. True Colors Tour 2006 - This is a concert that raises money for the Matthew Shepard foundation and awareness for gay rights. For this show, Cyndi Lauper closed the show, since it is her brainchild, and she was as great then as when I saw her for my first concert at 13. Erausre performed, along with Blondie, Dresden Dolls and more. There were drag queens, tall lesbians, people with blinking tiaras and feathered boa's - we bounced big beach balls around, danced like crazy, and drank a lot of alcohol...awesome, awesome, awesome!

4. Sarah Brightman La Luna Tour - Not only is she phenomenal, her stage presence is amazing, at least 12 costume changes, incredible vocals, and very theatrical show, but on this night I discovered I was pregnant with my first daughter. It therefore will always have a special place in my heart.

5. Elton John and Billy Joel - OK, this was most cool because we had backstage passes and got to meet Billy Joel! He signed some CD's, shook our hands, took pictures,etc. All this after we walked in on him putting his pants on..yeah, it was an awkward moment. The concert itself was at least 3 hours, the music is better live, and their stage banter was hysterical. Elton had 6 costume changes, Billy had 1.

6. Alison Krauss and The Union Station - I have loved her for years and she sings my wedding song, so that is a big reason also. I saw her at Red Butte and Deer Valley, both were great. She really chats with the crowd and is funny, so it makes it enjoyable. Her band also does songs of their own.

7. DM 101 - See above for why, but I did see them for the Violator and Songs of Faith and Devotion tour, both of which were also great.

8. Lyle Lovett and His Large Band - Saw them at Red Butte for the "My Baby Don't Tolerate Tour" and again at Deer Valley a year later. He is so funny, I love his voice and energy with the band and crowd, and he sings for a really long time. He kept weaving all these funny stories in between numbers, I kind of felt like an old friend by the time the night was over.

9. David Francey - Saw him at the Ogden Nature Center and wrote about it in another blog last year. So I liked this concert because it changed my life, or at least my viewpoint. He helped me refocus and for that I am grateful. He was another of those that was just funny as hell, so the show was very enjoyable. His song "Come Rain or Come Shine" as become our new song.

10. Gaelic Storm - They should be higher as I love them every time I see them, but it was a hard ordering, so here they are. Great fun show, funny does not do it justice, it was fucking hilarious (sensing a theme?), and the music is outstanding. People get up and dance, they drink beer on stage...good times.

The person that I HAVE to see in concert is Michael Buble'. Hopefully he will make it to my top ten and live up to my expectations.

Buckets of Rain

For this week I am asking everyone, describe for me your perfect rainy day. (I know, inspiring, but with all the rain it was this or ask you to come up with what your own ark would have in it!)

I love the rain, seriously, everything about it. I love the way it smells after a good rainstorm, like the whole world has been given a bath. I love watching the birds grabbing the worms off the grass. I love playing in the puddles. I love when I walk outside and brush the rosebushes, and the rain feels so cool on my skin. I love the thunder and lightening storms and could watch and listen to them for hours, even as a kid they fascinated me.

But for, the perfect rainy day would start with getting to lay in bed for an hour longer than normal, with the shades pulled up and the window cracked listening to and smelling the storm outside. Then I would have a nice cup of coffee and watch the rain come down from my kitchen window, for as long as I could get away with. I would then curl up on the couch with the girls and cats, by a nice fire and watch a movie or read my book if I could get away with that. When the rain stopped and the sun came out, we would go outside and jump in puddles, until our pants were drenched. Then we would get to have hot cocoa and a warm bath. For dinner I would make beef stroganoff and drink a nice merlot. Finally, after the kids were in bed, D and I would lie in our bed, in the dark. (I can't go into more detail here, my mom reads this).

Gone Missing

This week Lisa steps up to the plate and asks us to list out things we have lost. (I am so glad to have a topic again!)

My brother. My son. My mother in law. Many friends and family, too many to mention them all. My iPod (damn thieves). Friendships. Brain cells. Weight (but it found me again). Patience and temper all too often. A very cool painting that an ex did for me. My Jungle Book VHS. CD's. My mind on occasion. Jobs. Security. My cool. Love (fortunately I found it again). One half of a favorite pair of earrings. My social security card. My favorite electronic device. My innocence. My ability to touch my elbow to my ankle. Money. Dreams and hopes.

Merely a Flesh Wound

I am not sure what is happening with our Project Say Something group. I believe that most got to busy and forgot, I know I do not remember who's turn it is any longer. So, I am just starting over with my own question. If anyone posts it, I guess I know two things 1) they are playing along 2) they read my blog. = )

Tell us about your worst injury. (Yes, I picked it because I actually have one....pppfffttt!)

I was 5 years old and at my Uncle Dean's house hanging out with my cousins, when my aunt Marlene came home from the store with groceries. We all had to help get them out of the car, so out we all went to get them out of the trunk. Unbeknownest to me, the trunk was empty when I looked in, however my cousin Ronnie knew it was empty so he closed the lid...on my head! Everyone freaked out, they called my parents and my dad came and got me. He took me at light speed to McKay Dee where my mom was working and in to emergency room. I ended up with 20 stitches in my head, but I did get to dig through the box of goodies. I know have a huge scar running down my head from the top to the back. I would also say this injury explains my behavior quite nicely...hehe.

Classified

My question this past week was “What would your personal ad seeking someone else say? (you know, SWF seeking boyfriend, friend, etc.) In 200 words or less.”

MWF seeks pool boy (must have your own pool).

Putty In Your Hands

Share with us an event or person that early in your life helped shape who you are today?

There are so many events and people that helped shape my life, that it is difficult for me to just pick out one. Unfortunately, I tend to remember the negative ones, as they either hurt more or seemed to have the most impactful lesson. Instead, I will pick a positive experience. When I was about 11 my mom asked me if I wanted to join the International Order of Jobs Daughters (IOJD or Jobies for short). She had been in it as a young teen/young woman and thought that it would help me come out of my shell, make some friends, and develop a stronger sense of self. She was completely right. One of my dearest friends is a direct result of my being involved in Jobies and I am forever greatful for the experiences, lessons, and opportunities that this provided me. I would hope one day to have my girls join, but the organization is fading fast, so it is hard to say if it will still be around then. I hope it is.

Projects

Since we are behind, or missing (ahem) topics for Project Say Something, and I have not done a favorite five this week, I am combining them into the top 5 projects that I need or want to do while I am off work.

1. Read, Read, Read - I have a stack of books on my nightstand that is only getting larger. Of the ones that are there is The Art of War (again), Just After Sunset, Ireland, An Incomplete Education, two HR books, 1 management book, and on and on. I am not even going to talk about the stack in front of the nightstand or the other two stacks next to and as tall as the nightstand. (Lord help me!)
2. Go to the Museum - I will say several of them, on my own or with the kids and my mom
3. Organize the pictures and put them in the album - I have the photo album updated to last June, and I cannot let it go a full year
4. Spring Clean - Wash windows, clean out closets, donate clothes, toys, etc.
5. Volunteer - YCC, St. Annes, my church.

When I Grow Up....

There was no Project Say Something this week (ahem...Julian), so I have made up my own topic since it has been on my mind. The question or topic is, what do you want to be when you grow up?

I know, silly because I am grown up and I should bloody well know this by now. But, I don't. Here I am searching for a job, searching for a path in my life and not knowing where to go, what to choose, what it is I am "supposed" to be doing. Sure there is the Art Historian working in a museum thing, but I am not qualified and cannot go back to school for it. So it is what do I do with the talent and skills that I have? What it really has taught me is the value of steering my girls in the direction of their dreams. Doing everything I can so that they enjoy their lives, enjoy their work, and feel fulfilled.

I guess what I want is to work somewhere that allows me to grow, that is stable, where I can stay until I retire, that offers good benefits, that encourages me to have a life, and pays me enough to have money left over for vacations and the girls college fund. I have faith it is out there, I just have to be open to it.

Then and Now

For this week we were given the task of naming two things we could do as a child that we can't do now and the reverse of that.

The two things that I could do as a child, that I cannot do now are:
Splits against a wall
Ride my bike for 8 hours a day

I was really limber when I was younger because I danced, and well my body was young. Now I could not even do splits on the floor, let alone against a wall. I miss being able to ride my bike that much because I was in better shape, but also it means I did not have a care in the world. No work, no school in the summer....just me and the yellow "Cactus Rose" riding off into the sunset!

The two things that I could not do as a child that I can do now are:
Stay up late
Eat Ice Cream for dinner

The staying up late thing is funny considering that I am usually falling asleep at 8 pm, but on those nights I want to stay up...I can! I never eat ice cream for dinner, I know better than that. But, the point is I could if I wanted to.

With Friends Like These.......

This week Lisa asks us "If you had a good friend who was in a bad relationship, would you say something or keep your mouth shut? Why did you choose what you did?"

I have had a few friends that were in bad relationships, abusive, and I chose to speak my mind. I felt, that whether it damaged our friendship or not, I could not just sit by and watch my friend destroyed. I love my friends too much to allow that to happen to them. The one that I remember the most clearly, mainly because it went on so long, is my friend Stacy. Stacy had a habit of picking men who were abusive, in one fashion or another. This always surprised me because she was such an incredibly beautiful and caring person. I have come to realize that she never saw herself that way, her own sense of self worth was so low that being emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by a partner was all she felt she deserved. Stacy hooked up with this guy, let's just call him shithead, who could be charming when he needed to be, but could also be vicous, cruel, and violent when he wanted to be. He was manipulative, controlling, and very jealous. Unfortunately she loved him, so much so that she had a baby with him and several months later married him. I remember clearly on her wedding day she was telling me that she did not think she should go through with it, but she did. I was honestly ready with the car to drive her away if she had just agreed to it.

Shithead used to beat her, and she would say she ran into a door, wall, fell down. He would sexually assualt her and more than once I heard him say the most horrible and hateful things to her. She and I used to go to coffee several times a week and the entire time she would vent about the horrible things he did, how miserable she was, how she wanted to leave, so on and so on. After those conversations I would go home in tears...so heartbroken and despondent. I finally realized that she was never going to change the situation, that she was using me to get all her feelings out, but that she did not want or would not follow my advice. Finally, I changed the rules. I insisted that she could not speak about him and I did not want to hear his name, until she left him for good and was out of their house, safe at her parents. Several months later after a trip with her family away from him, she saw the light and they divorced.

Eventually she moved away and over time we unfortunately lost contact. If I had to do it all over again, I would. But, I really do not know that anything I said ever got through to her. I know that when I was involved with people who were no good for me, it did not matter what others said. It took me seeing the sign, you know the big flashing "asshole ahead-detour" sign to realize it.

Do You Take Plastic?

Monica asked this week if we would ever consider plastic surgery - why or why not?

Personally I feel that plastic does not need surgery. Barbie is well enough endowed on her own (and the worst possible role model for little girls) and Mr. Potato Head has become too much of an addict, what with all the facial reconstruction that he and his lovely wife go through constantly. I mean really, new eyes, limps, ears, arms...where does it end? Frankly, I am disgusted by it and hope they all get some much needed therapy soon.

The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestickmaker

The PSS question this week was my turn. I asked these three questions because a) I am curious as to what point everyone is at in evaluating their lives, or if they do. b) I am doing a sense of humor and ability to laugh at one's self check c) I want to know how your mind works. So this is what I asked "This is a three part question Essay, philosophy, and art. First the essay - write a letter to your 12 year old self based on your life experiences and knowledge you have now. What advice would you give?"

Dear Amy, Hey beautiful girl. Yeah, I know, you don't feel like that, but you are. You think that you are just a short awkward kid with glasses who is trying to find her way in this world. But you are not. This is just the start of some amazing life experiences and within one year your whole life and how you see the world and yourself will change. In 10 years you will not even recognize the girl you are now and in 20 years you will look at this 12 year old and smile at how great she is. I am not going to lie, you have some very tough times ahead of you and a lot of the time you will be left wondering why they happened and why to you. You have to trust that you will come through it, the good times and good days will outshine the dark days and you will find strength you never knew you possessed at your lowest moments. What I admire the most about you is the quiet strength, depth of character, and grace that you embody. There is a will and determination in your spirit that when channeled is untouchable. I know you do not see it, as you think of yourself as lazy, but it is there....discover it and use it. No doubt, the laziness is there too though!

You will grow from an unsure, shy, and introverted girl into a confident, shy, and less introverted woman. Learn to embrace and use your sexuality, it will serve you well. Keep up your college studies, you will regret it everyday if you quit. You are a very intelligent girl and not liking math should not stop you from your goals. You will have a person who loves you tear you down from time to time, learn to let it roll off you and take the high road. It may not seem like it, but it is really said with love, or at least a version of it. Everyone has their own history and this will impact how they interact with other people, the sooner you understand that it is their issue and not yours, the happier you will be. You will meet and work with several people who believe they are better than anyone else, that their lives are perfect, and that their shit don't stink. Realize that Karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around, fortunately you will be there to see it. That will be a great day.

Above all else I want you to enjoy your life. Sometimes you will be out of balance, but in true fashion you always find a way to correct it. There will come days when the clouds are too dark and the rain won't stop, but there is always sun the next day. Learn to breathe in life - breathe in and hold in your body all the sounds, sights, tastes, and experiences. Keep them deep inside you to pull out on those days when the tide is pulling you to sea. I love you little Amy. You are independent, smart, sassy, kind, brave, true, and mysterious. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Philosophy question in honor of Darwin- If a man evolved from apes and monkeys then why do we still have those animals around?

I understand this question, the science behind it is obvious. But to me, it is a funny question. Kind of like asking "If a man speaks and a woman is not around to hear him, is he still wrong?" I am a strong believer in evolution, believe it or not it is possible to belive in God and evolution. Anyway, for me the answer is simple, we still have apes and monkeys around to remind us how stupid and unevolved some members of our species are.

Art question - What piece of music, art, architecture best represents your view of yourself?

The music that best represents my view of myself is Gypsy from Lord of the Dance, Three Babies by Sinead O'Connor, and Bitch.

The architecture that best represents my view of myself is the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain. (Of course it would be a museum.)

And finally the art was overwhelming as there is a lot to choose from that represent how I feel...but this one embodies my belief in myself and the independent spirit that was nourished in me by my strong female role models.

Oh L'Amour

This week Kim asked us about our best and worst Valentines day. I honestly do not have a worst, but I have 2 best, 10 years apart.

The first one was 1995, my first valentines with D. He had never been to Las Vegas, which surprised me, so I decided it would be a fun getaway. This was back in the day when the Southwest flight was $20 each way and our room was $39 a night at Treasure Island. We had a blast, went to the Hard Rock, had dinner at the Camelot, wandered around, shopped, caught Dennis Miller and a "Boylesque" show. The part I remember the most is the actual Valentines day there was the most beautiful sunset that we watched as we walked back to our room, he bought me a single red rose, a bottle of wine, and gave me the best, most romantic bath of my life!

Fast forward to 2005, I had one a nights stay at the Alaska Inn from work. We went to the Olive Garden and got dinner to go, then headed up to the B & B. The room was the biggest cabin they had, which was bigger than our first house together. It had a nice kitchen, a tub in the middle of the room by the fireplace, and everything else you could want. We had a wonderful evening eating our dinner, watching a movie, and taking another awesome bath together.

Not surprising, my favorite Valentines have nothing to do with what I received in the way of a material present, but more with the love I received from this amazing man that I am fortunate to have in my life.

What If

This week Kim asked "If you were told you have an incurable disease, and have less than a year tolive. Would you take treatment, that would make you sick, but be able tolive more than a year. Or have only the quoted time and be healthy for mostit? And.. what would you do with the time? "

I really cannot say until I am in this situation, which I hope to God to never be in. For me, what I THINK I would do is easy. I would not tell a soul, I would cut back my hours, I would spend quality time with my girls doing things that they will remember all their lives. I would take a vacation to Ireland and Scottland with my husband. I would go on a road trip with my mom. I would hang out with my dad for a while. I would spend time with my friends - going to movies, bungee jumping, having coffee and talking. I would reread my favorite books and watch my favorite movies. I would go to the museum once a week. I would lie in the sun and get really tan. I would take up smoking, drinking, and recreational drugs on the weekend (dead anyway right, might as well enjoy it). I would paint a picture, I would finish writing the book for my girls about my life. I would make all the funeral arrangements so no one else has to. Then when I knew it was getting close and I was getting sicker, I would tell my family and spend my last few weeks or days with just them.

Would I lie to you? (oh no!) Would I lie to you honey?

Shane in all his sneaky, yet annoying wisdom asked us this week about the last time we lied, who was it to, and why.

So I told him that at first I was "meh" about this question. Then after some discussion with said annyoning PSS Master, I came to realize that it really is a good question. So here it is confession time.

I lied today, when I told a coworker that I was happy working there. Why did I do that? Well, because the truth can't get back to the head honchos, or they would shit can me before I had the opportunity to find something else. So, instead I will suck it up and lie to the people there, all the while realizing that they hate it just as much as I do, but no one is brave enough to say anything or do anything about it.

I know, I am breaking a cardinal rule here by talking about work. But, I am trying to be as vague as possible to protect the totally deranged.

I really try not to lie that much, but we all do it, for a variety of reasons. I want to protect other's feelings, I want to avoid confrontation, I like to keep secrets, I spent too much money when I knew better...you know, the usual.

"I'm Allright"

Our newest member to the PSS group, Julian, asked us this week "If you had the opportunity to meet any ONE person (current or historical) and ask them any ONE question, who would it be and what would you ask? Feel free to discuss."

After much consideration I would ask Percival Cowbridge Hamish Cobbledick III from the Ministry of Parroting, Numbskullery, and Funny Walks "what is the average speed velocity of an unladen English swallow carrying a coconut heading due West at noon on March 23rd?"

Super-Eater

I am making an addition to my superpower post (because I cheat Julian....I am a big, big cheater!) Not really changing it or removing it per se, even though I am very, very tempted.

I would like the power to eat and drink whatever and whenever I want and not gain a pound. But, if I wanted to gain weight I could, but I control where. And better still, all the weight that I am not gaining, goes to someone else. Whoever I choose and I dictate where they gain it.

That would be super!

Super-shmuper

What super-power would you most like to have, and why?

I have gone through my husband's comic books and picked his incredibly full of usesless information mind for what would be the perfect super-power. First I thought of invisibility, but decided that while it is cool and very useful, there are other things I would rather do. Then I thought of the ability to absorb power from someone else and use it as your own. Unfortunately this can have some serious consequences. Next I thought of strength and the ability to fly, but I would be expected to use that for the good of the planet or some shit like that and I am way to lazy for that. I also thought of cloning myself at will, but decided that could be way too complicated.

Next I thought of what it is I would want. Not just a superpower to have one, but what I really want from it. What I really would want is time, more time or more accurately more freedom. So I think I would want the ability to travel through time. I would not change things, because I honestly believe you should not mess with that (too many Twilight Zone episodes prove that theory out). Instead I would go back in time to buy land, bet on horses, invest in stocks. That way I would have enough money in this time that I could do what I wanted and also donate it to worthy causes like a cure for SMA, Cancer, and MS. I would travel, I would spend time with all the people I love, I would teach the kids things, I would read books, I would go to the gym and for long walks, I would just be. Be in the moment instead of worrying about everything.

I would like to think I would use my power to be a superhero, but honestly if I were one it would be like Batman. A superhero teetering on the edge with a dark side, a very dark side. (If you want to create your own superhero, go here like I did.)

This week Lisa asks "If you had to make a choice between lowering your chances of being diagnosed with breast cancer by taking a pill for 5+ yrs, but dealing with some pretty brutual side effects (hot flashes, changes in libido, depression, possible increase of other cancers, etc) would you do it? "

I think this is a no brainer that yes I would do it. But then it depends on how significantly it lowers my chances. I remember having a conversation with my husband shortly after his mom died of breast cancer about the treatment his mom had been through and how hard it was on her, what it did to her physically. I said that I would not go through all that chemo and radiation to just prolong my life for a few months, as those few months would be miserable. I guess I really cannot answer unless I am in that position, which I hope not to be. It is just a personal choice that you have to make.

2008 - In Memorium

Monica this week asks us what event, good or bad, from 2008 defines the year for us. (or something like that)

I have three moments - 2 good and 1 bad.

The good both occurred in April, the first was finishing my bachelors degree after so many freaking years, struggles, challenges, heartache, tears (not just over my math class either), etc. The second came two days later with the birth of my second daughter. The relief of having her in our lives and free from SMA is more than I can express. She is my joy.

The bad was losing my job, the perfect job. I knew I loved that job, but like most things you do not realize how great it was until it is gone. The best thing about it was the freedom and trust that they gave me, something really lacking in my new position. At my previous job I worked alone 90% of the time in the office, I could bring my daughter in after I picked her up at school so she could hang with me and do her homework, I had great benefits, great pay, Fridays off. It was unbelievable! And now....now I am stuck. I just hope things change soon with this new year, but I also know that I am fortunate to just have a job. And in the long run, who knows what will come of it...it might be just what I need for this year and this point in my life. (I know, it sounds like I am having a positive attitude doesn't it? That is because I am a good bullshitter)